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Shooting Star 37: Make It Through As Long As The Music Plays.

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Mar. 22nd, 2009 | 12:04 am
location: "Home"
mood: depressed depressed
music: Alexz Johnson - The Music

So after some encouraging talk from Adam and from Skylar, do I feel somewhat better about the drag situation. I can honestly take from the both of them that I am a good performer, and that with every performance I do, I get progressively better, and even seeing that in photos from what I started I can see it as well, but I don't really feel it y'know? I mean, it feels really good when your friends and people that you're close to tell you that you do a good job with something that you really enjoy doing, but when you don't really seem to hear it from your peers, it kinda in a way invalidates it in a sense.

I mean, I appreciate comments and opinions all the way around whether they're positive or negative, but I think what bugs me the most is that I truly don't feel accepted or respected by my peers. I mean, even though most of my fellow queens have character flaws and whatnot, it doesn't mean that I don't respect them on a professional level and respect what they do on stage because I do. Hell, most of the queens in this town I see as something of mentors and big sisters as it were, whether that's because the drag community here is so small and everyone knows everyone or not I don't know, but the respect is there, I just wish it were reciprocal.

I may be seriously down on myself right about now, but it doesn't mean that I'm just going to say fuck it and hang up my wigs right now. I've been doing this for over 4 years now, and I love every minute of it, the highs and the lows. It's given me a thick skin when dealing with criticism, I've progressed a great deal as far as my female illusion is concerned, and on most occasions, until I open my mouth, most people don't know that I'm really a guy when I'm in drag. To me, that is the highest compliment, it shows that I really have something of a grasp on gender illusion, and it shows that I'm accomplishing what I set out to do in the first place. Just working through my depression on the issue is a bitch and a half, I already have enough stuff dragging me down (no pun intended) as it is, I don't need drag doing the same thing.

I'll be alright though, I've come this far, and that's what I need to keep telling myself. Use Damhnait's lyrics "Make it through as long as the music plays", and lately, I've made that as something of a mantra (especially work related stuff). Just gotta keep on keepin' on.

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